Hot and Cold.

Today I'm wondering what makes people play hot and cold. One minute someone is all over you, wanting to spend time together or texting all the time, and suddenly you realize that you haven't seen them in ages, haven't even spoken more than a few words to them in weeks. Cosmo always says that when a person pulls back from you, you should pull back as well, and once they're comfortable again, they will return. I believe they call it the 'Rubber Band Effect'.

I actually had a nightmare about this last night. A friend of mine, who has referred to herself as my best friend in the past, has recently disappeared from my life. I honestly can't figure out why. It went from talking on a regular basis and hanging out when we had the time to not speaking at all. I don't know what I did, and I feel like if I ask what the problem is, she's just going to blame the whole situation either on me and some bullshit analysis of my behavior, or she'll give me the same reason she always does when these things happen- Her boyfriend and his sister hate me, even though they've never tried to take the time to get to know me, and they're more important than I am, so she respects their unjustified hatred of me, and refuses to see me out of respect for them. The first sign she's not a good friend lies within- she won't stand up for me at all.

Maybe it's just me, but if my boyfriend told me he hated one of my friends, especially one he hadn't taken the time to get to know, I'd understand that it was his opinion, but that wouldn't stop me from seeing that friend. Especially if the friend didn't ever try to cause problems between us. If I say I'm your friend, then I am your fucking friend. I am fierce when it comes to people I care about. I also believe in balance. Just because you have a boyfriend or girlfriend doesn't mean that you suddenly sacrifice every other relationship you have to stick your head up your significant others' ass.

But back to the nightmare I mentioned earlier: Basically in the dream, this friend ended up coming clean about seeing other friends from our past (which I have been slightly paranoid about at random moments), and it was like my past repeating itself in a most horrible way.

It just sucks when you devote time and energy to building a relationship with another and it gets wasted. And the fact that I find human behavior a most difficult subject to understand makes it all the more unsettling. And the only thing in my life that changed that I could see having an effect on this relationship is a new person in my life I've been spending time with. Of course I've talked to her about this new person on occasion, and she seemed fine with it. But once I mentioned her meeting them is when she got weird. And to me it's irrational, because I'm fairly certain she's never met this person, and therefore should have no reason to dislike or be cautious of them.

Barnacles. I just have to shake my head and make my 'polite face', as my step-sister calls it. Humans are hard creatures to understand. And most of the time, the problem with understanding does not stem from a person's complexity, but from lack of it. People who view the world as a shadowbox are endlessly baffling. To shut off one's mind and live as if you're in 2D sounds fundamentally terrifying. People look at things so simply, when nothing is simple. I'm not suggesting that everyone live in a state of constant analysis and dissection, but that people wake up and take the initiative to understand that most things are not what they seem. To understand that we should stop denying ourselves, especially based on the wishes of others.