She's a life ruiner...

I`m not lonely, I just feel alone. I can`t find the proper words to explain myself. I`m feeling stagnated. There is someone there, but I don`t know how to let them in. It feels like it isn`t real. Like maybe this is temporary, so close to ending before it really begins. There are moments that feel right, but once I`m alone I feel completely surrounded. There is a hole in me; all I need is to find something to fill it. I feel like my chest is imploding; my heart another palpitation away from giving up on me. I feel deadened when I should be feeling slightly alive. I can`t understand why people always expect another to change. One of the worst things a person can say, I feel, is that your problems are on you, and they can`t help or even care to understand you. That you must change to gain their respect, admiration, and love. Can anyone see our flaws and accept them? I don`t think we`re flawed; perhaps misunderstood, even possibly envied in some way. Flaws don`t seem to exist here.

It`s all a silk road to ruin, reduced to fragmented decay left to rot in the sun. Vultures circle and scavenge my remains slowly, until there is nothing left apart from these scattered words and a mummified heart, reduced to dust. I'm a life ruiner, but the only life I'm ruining is my own.