Trying to be genuine can be harder than it seems. But our scars might not be so hidden if we could muster the courage to look one another in the eyes. Somehow we all get trapped inside our egos. If we could break those barriers, something beautiful might happen. We might see each other for who we really are. But isn't that the most frightening possibility? To be completely exposed, and for someone to evaluate what they see? And if we are fortunate enough to find some level of acceptance, where do we go from there? I am constantly convincing myself that I will ruin everything. I think, "Well, they seem to accept me now. But I know once they see a little more beyond the veil, they'll realize this was a mistake."
I've been told I polarize myself. By being who I feel I truly am, I am polarizing, and therefore isolating myself. But shouldn't this be true of everyone, if it is, in fact, truth? I'm told to change and polarize in a different direction. I need to reside on the more accepted side of the spectrum. But the people who tell me these things don't realize that they are the ones who can't break through their own polarized position. It is a paradox.
They see the sides of me, of everyone and everything, and view it all from their polarized position. And the simple fact that they project their position onto others shows me that they want everyone to be like them. But no one is like anyone else, so it is a waste of energy to even promote the idea.
How does it feel to be different? We're all different. Yet we all find people who accept us as we are. But don't we still keep parts of ourselves closed down? Do we still hide the aspects of ourselves that make us feel uncertain? To take that plunge, to show another being everything inside of you, is a most frightening thing, is it not? But to show yourself in your entirety, and to find a mirror in another, and to accept not only your reflection but theirs as well seems like a beautiful thing.
Who am I to speculate? I have yet to explore all of my deepest truths, and all out of fear. Pure trepidation. And paranoia. How do you release yourself from the paranoia? How do you get past the things that have happened and not ruin the here and now by being endlessly paranoid about all the maybes?
There isn't even a future. There's just here and now. And being here and now in these moments is all that matters. The idea of the future changes all the time. And the past can never change. So here and now is the chance. And we should take it.
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