Life is sort of like looking into one of those framed puzzles where you have to focus on the blurry dots of color to find an image. It's all supposed to come in this neat little package framed for perfection. You look at the dots and piece them together to see what your life will be. Mine changes every time I look at it.
It's as if there is a little monster inside me, and every now and then I get bitten. The poison pollutes everything in me and everything I touch. I'm the opposite of an ambulance; I carry portable disaster.
People always want to know how I can be so pessimistic. I just say it's hard to look on the bright side when you've been in the dark so long that the sun burns your eyes. It's like animals who adapt to their surroundings. I've learned to adapt to mine.
But honestly, for all the downers I unload on the world, I see so much beauty that sometimes I can't take it all. Sometimes I'm like the kid who filmed the plastic bag in American Beauty.
But the world can be so wrong at times, and it hurts even more when it seems that others don't see it. Like people look without really seeing. But maybe I'm the one who is really blind. Is it some sort of defect in me that I can't ignore these things; that I can't be happy pretending everything is okay? And these thoughts get put down here, because no one wants to hear these things. That, I've learned. So I just wander until maybe I find someone else who gets it. And if not, then I guess the defect really does rest in me.
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