I just came to another realization. I have a tendency to become too comfortable with a person at a given moment, and end up saying too much and scaring the hell out of them- I need to work on that.

And another realization has to do with my intense fear of rejection. I have come to understand that although I do fear being rejected, I find more fear in the possibility of acceptance. If someone accepts me exactly as I am, with all my neurotic behaviors and thoughts, then what does that say about me, or them? I see all these things about me as problems needing to be corrected as quickly as possible. But if another person can take it for what it is, then what the fuck does that mean?

Fuck my life, is what it means. Perhaps it means that no matter how much I think I know or understand, it will always be subject to change. All it takes is one outsider perspective to rattle the cage and send everything I've built tumbling back down. But is that really so terrible? I think not. Just more unanswerable questions...go figure.