I am famous for coming up with random ideas and working on them for about 5 seconds and then forgetting it ever happened. But THIS time, it will be different. I've been spending most of my time working on something, since I have nothing else to do. It's been good, because I am seriously on the verge of a psychotic break in which my brain finally shuts off and says "Fuck you and your sad life...I have shit to do elsewhere."
So, I've been making these little cards that say random things, and once I have enough I plan on just handing them all out to random people in public. I was thinking I could put my website or something on the back of the card, and once I am in a better place in which creation can flow more naturally, I can begin to create art once more, and post it on the website. And then when I hand out these little random cards, maybe someone will go to the website and actually see some shred of merit in what I have created and pay me money to be this fucking weird. Run-on sentences!! Woo!
"All my life I've been good, but now, I'm thinking "What the hell?!" Yeah basically I feel like I've been avoiding facing my own self for the past 23 years. I have these little moments when I find honesty in the mirror, but mostly I try to pretend to be anything else. So fuck it. I have to work with what I have. I don't have much, but maybe it's enough. If nothing else, it will be glorious to feel a paintbrush in my hand and have paint splatters on my arms and face again. I even miss ruining good clothes because I felt inspired and just dived right in without fear of destruction. It's just another part of me I locked up and forgot about.
Speaking of which, music is the other thing I used to be inspired by. I discovered earlier tonight that I've still got it. I composed a song in about 15 minutes. It's not the greatest, but it was fun, and it woke up that creative sparkle that used to gleam in my eyes. So here's to creation.
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